Match Report - Elton Vale D

Editor's Note: At Elton Vale, no-one can hear you scream ...

The theme for tonight's report came during a recent cinema trip, when I saw the new diet coke "mannequin" advert. For some reason - well a completely obvious reason really - it reminded me somewhat of our girls. I'll save that til the end though, as the match threw up any number of fantastic moments.

And so to Elton Vale. After a narrow - yet spirited - defeat against the "C" team two weeks ago, tonight saw the girls come up against Elton Vale "D". No, not the slightly larger ladies, but one supposedly just one notch below their C counterparts. Would that actually prove to be the case? Could Michelle's Mannequins do their thing, or would they be too weary from a Bank Holiday weekend of intense partying?

I was joined on the sidelines early doors by not one but TWO Luxtons. And what a pleasure that was. Young Kate did provide possibly the daftest remark of the night when commenting that "both teams are wearing almost the same colours, how are we supposed to tell them apart?" Well, quite obvious really, one side was holding bats. Now I know that Kate has a first class degree and is working towards a PhD; in her case this may actually stand for "Particularly Huge Dummy". This ditziness is clearly genetic though, as at one point (due to my continually bad throat) I squeaked "Come on Totts" and the senior Luxton thought I'd shouted "Come on Tarts". We'll park that one there.

Elton batted first and what was noticeable straight away was that, just like last week, Totts were keeping the opposition to small scores, lots of 1s and 2s. Katie was deputising as back stop for Fluffy and Trish, and did an admirable job - indeed such was the ferocious effort she put in that she had to leave the field to be sick later. Now I was kind of joking about the 5 point plan and stepping up the training, there's no need to go mad.

Vicky and Jane put in some terrific bowling, and with the fielders backing their bowlers up, Elton were dismissed for 72. There was one comical moment after Shell took over bowling when I remarked to Lord Byron that sometimes she "lets one go quite wildly" and almost on cue Shell launched the ball about 40 yards over the batter's head. You can't beat comic timing.

Speaking of the lovely Byron (who it must be said was also displaying an almost encyclopedic knowledge of rounders rules, and an even wider knowledge of the fashion mag he was perusing), observers of the rounders will note that young Chris is often to be seen with a gaggle of ladies round his feet, hanging on his every word. With that in mind, TSJ Ladies Rounders are proud to announce the release of their first album of 2010 ...

Back in the real world it was Totts' turn to bat, and we were in for a treat. All the girls chipped in first innings, with some terrific performances from Alli Booth (of whom more later), Vicky and Jane. There was the usual cheeky running from Malcolm X, but sadly she attempted one snatched run too many and was run out to choruses of "ooooh, she'll be in trouble from her mother later" from the assembled supporters. Katie and Suzanne also stole a few extra bases, although the somewhat over-zealous oficial managed to call more penalties in one 5 minute period than I've seen in a season and a half. Shell did her usual red-faced routine, but thankfully it didn't have too much effect on the final outcome!

Thanks to the combined efforts of all the girls, Totts totalled a highly creditable 136. I had had to leave at this point (sadly), but the remaining match highlights have been supplied by Shell (though I'm leaving out the bit where she's written "I deserve credit too :)") ... hmmm. The salient details are as follows:

• Kate did well in tips, Katie backstopped well despite clearly being in pain
• Excellent effort from Alli who took up 3rd base working well with Suzanne, with a very comical underarm throw, in the air, to her self then quoted as "thank god Paul didnt see that" (Editor's note: Oh Allison ...)
• Alex and Danielle did well backfielding with an excellent catch from Danielle
• Olivia great fielding

There is again especial mention for Suzanne, Jane, Vicky and Alli for being the last girls in the second innings, with Jane top scoring in the match with a total of 81 points! Today's Mars Bar Award went to none other than Alli "she's 27 you know" Booth for her overall display in the field and twice with the bat - congrats kiddo!

So to the final tally, and TSJ ran out winners by the colossal score of 300-224! Fantastic effort girls, well done again!!

And after that, what better way to celebrate than with a diet coke, er, Blue WKD break ...