Match Report - Seedfield

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Two defeats in a row and the wheels were coming off faster than an Aldi trolley. As temperatures have soared, our girls' fortunes have dipped; with England's ignominious defeat at the hands of Germany on Sunday, could Handley's Heroes restore our faith in top-class British sport? Seedfield have already been beaten once this season, so expectation on the sidelines was akin to fever pitch.

A veritable army of spectators had gathered on the sidelines, but our number was cruelly depleted by one just prior to the start, with the much-bouffanted Lord Byron (sadly not wearing a dressing gown) required to record the evening's score. He duly marched off, scorebook and chair in hand, and sat resplendent in the middle of the field on his own; at any moment we expected a gaggle of fans to descend and worship at his feet, but sadly this didn't happen. He did however find solace in the company of the Seedfield scorer, the pair of them appearing to have a cracking time.

A feature of TSJ Ladies Rounders evenings is the pre-match warm up. I engaged in a rather gentle game of catch with Allisoni, and then an increasingly vicious game with the Fluffster. Then it turned into a free for all. Now in recent weeks I've started to suspect that the pattern of throwing may be symbolising some hidden meaning, so unbeknown to the girls I plotted out a map of where each throw was placed. The diagram below shows just what happens if you plot the positions and then join the dots ...

Jane then delivered a resounding team talk, and off we went, with fire in our bellies; the lovely Luxton Jr enquired whether the plastic bag at my feet contained my tea (no) and appeared to like the look of my apple (which was actually part of a child's baseball set). Jane then started proceedings with a ridiculous Shell-like no-ball and then conceded a rounder to the first genuine delivery. Oh oh ... here we go again, I thought. The Seedfield innings started well, with several early rounders, but then Totts got their fielding heads on. Trish was again doing her usual sterling job at backstop, while Olivia was patrolling the outfield well. As the crowd swelled still more, Totts finally got a bit of a grip and some terrific fielding got rid of several. There was an impressive late rally by a couple of the home team, who did well, and the innings closed on 80.

Our girls do tend to be slow starters, so it was with some astonishment that we all witnessed probably our best innings batting this year. Within 5 minutes of the start we'd already notched up 5 rounders. Of course, there was one notable failure. Jane, who had bowled so well, had another of her senior moments; last week she stood waiting on 4th base, this week she easily got to first base but instead of touching home she decided to stand there, bat on chest, and watched as someone threw the ball and ran her out. Baffling. And a duck!

Danielle managed a ridiculous cameo of an innings, her usual reckless rounder followed by an even more preposterous one which saw her run out going for 4th base when the fielder was right in her way. She stalked off and shrugged that she wasn't fussed, although secretly we all knew she was! Back on the field, the girls were really flying. Suzanne, Vicky, Katie, Debs, Trish, Fluffy and Michelle all went round and Suzanne in particular hit one almighty thump of a shot miles over backstop and got right round the bases before the fielder had even reached the ball. Impressive stuff! Excitement on the sidelines was mounting as we realised that Vicky had gone past Jane to lead the season averages, and then she added injury to insult by adding several more rounders! In the excitement Jane got Debs and Trish mixed up, which provoked more mirth, except for Trish's husband Tony, who was by now quite happily dozing under a blanket. He did ask if I had a pillow with me - sadly not.

Once the innings had finally ended, the girls had racked up a colossal score it could have been even more but for some superb catching by Seedfield, a one-handed catch in particular really standing out. Over in scorer's corner, the pair were furiously scribbling and working things out - the substitution of Helen had gone completely unnoticed and it was all a bit much. The duo eventually fixed the score at a highly impressive 188.

Totts took to the field again, and just as in the first innings fielded like demons. There was a magic moment where The Human Target had a ball drilled at - indeed, right through - her at tips, and Michelle demonstrated how Alli should keep her legs closed ... it looked for all the world like a camp dance routine being acted out. This met with serious approval from me. Olivia and Fluffy took excellent catches, and then there were two absolutely fantastic bits of fielding, first from Michelle who hurtled after a ball that looked certain to produce a rounder, and she whizzed it in at high speed to keep the girl at 3rd base. Then Jane ended the innings with a super one handed pick up and bullet-like throw to Trish to complete the run out.

Seedfield had battled bravely but Totts proved too strong tonight, running out innings winners by the final score of 188-162. There was just time for Vicky to be awarded the Mars Bar for top performance, although any number staked a claim tonight! Then it was back to the club for cream buns and lashings of ginger beer. Hurrah!

For the observant among you, we have introduced a brand, spanking new feature on the site this week - Ten Good Balls - the wonderful Alli "Cici" Booth and Celeb Fan Jemma have already contributed, and there are more to come over the next few days. Check it out and do feel free to contribute! In a subsequent discussion, Ms Booth made the rather unfortunate mistake of suggesting that people spelling her name as "Ally" was incorrect - "there's an i at the end of my name, you know" she said. Oh dear oh dear. In honour of this, we're proud to launch a new product from our web shop - the latest Alli Alli DVD ...