Match Report - St Annes

Editor's Note: Have the girls paid heed to last week's stern words? Or has it all gone out the window already? We get to the bottom of things ...

It's safe to say that in the past few weeks, the readership of these reports has swelled quite considerably. In some weeks as many as 5 people are viewing these wise words. The question is ... does anyone take any notice? You will recall that last week, following a close loss to Elton Vale, I urged the girls to get in shape and adhere to a new 5 point plan for success. Did they pay any attention?

Trish, Jane and their respective hubbies Tony and Wayne were down at the Meadows on Sunday, enjoying a feast of cricket in the hot summer sun. As I passed their encampment at the top of the field, Trish shouted over to me. I shall recount the conversation in full.

Trish: Doc! Look, I'm doing it!
Coach Dr P: Doing what?
Trish: Getting 1 of my 5 a day!
Coach Dr P: What do you mean?
Trish: I'm drinking orange fanta.
Coach Dr P keels over laughing

Whilst this was a brave effort, it saddens me slightly to have to report that orange flavour fanta is NOT considered one of your 5 portions of fruit/veg per day, and more worrying that a highly-respected member of the medical profession thinks this way. Indeed, I have created a handy chart to show Trish the complete error of her ways:

If that wasn't bad enough, I then suggested to the ladies that they'd better be adhering to the remaining items on my 5 point plan! Fag in hand, beer in the other, each protested that yes, they were indeed. Looking at their half-naked better halves lounging there on the grass like bronzed Adonises, a flicker of doubt crossed my mind. So I kept a quick record of the drinking as I continued to circuit the ground. The results, my friends, make for slightly worrying viewing.

The question is - what were the rest of the girls doing if their veterans and role models were indulging in this fashion? Only time - and tonight's game with St Anne's - would tell. When I was first told you'd be playing said opposition I was very excited, imaging a trip to the seaside later in the year, with buckets and those plastic windmills and everything. Then I discovered it's actually Tottington St Annes. Ah. Not to worry. A local derby then - and what better to fire up the girls and get us back to winning ways?

And so to the game ... or possibly not! 7pm came and went, and while some of us engaged in some encouragingly serious warm up routines (good to see some of those throwing arms improving!), the lack of a referee became increasingly noticed. Eventually it transpired that our match official wasn't showing and so a decision needed to be made about whether to play with an official taken from the St Anne's supporters or to postpone. The decision was almost unanimous in favour of using the official present - and as it turned out she was firm and fair for both sides - so well done!

Totts batted first and despite a couple of early losses, the evening's early stars started to emerge. Danielle was cheeky as ever, securing two rounders despite basically dropping it at her own feet, shouting "yah yah catch me if you can" and screaming round the bases. This caused Jane some anxiety and she even told her younger daughter to stop taking risks. However, those runs would prove vital! A lesson there! The innings was held together by Fluffy and Olivia, who were really good. The eventual total of just over 100 seemed quite competitive. There was also a key moment in which I had to secure bat tape to fix Fluffy's handle. Add that to my growing list of responsibilities. Coach. Motivator. Reporter. Dogsbody.

As the weekend's blistering heat settled into something more akin to hypothermia on the touchlines (seriously, what the hell is going on?), St Anne's took to the field. Meanwhile I was now engrossed by the stimulating conversation blossoming among the keen supporter triumverate of Luxton, Hargreaves and Lord Byron. I half-expected some highbrow discussion of the arts, maybe fashion, possibly pop culture. What I did get was 20 minutes of talk about the Sex and the City 2 premiere and the outrageous price of cinema tickets, why dogs backsides seem very clean right after they have a toilet break, and the quality poppadums on offer at Buddha Lounge (it's the paprika apparently). Seriously, I've got enough material for about 5 reports right there. Meanwhile back on the field Totts were struggling. St Anne's seemed very well drilled and a few early rounders were causing anxiety in the ranks. It was around this point I noticed one huge plus point - the team spirit on the field tonight was absolutely brilliant. Everyone backed everyone else up, there was cohesion and unity, and the fielding was excellent. And plenty of motivation. Superb girls.

St Anne's batted for a seeming eternity, and worry was growing about just what sort of deficit Totts might be facing. However what was noticeable was that while Totts had scored a fair number of rounders, the visitors were mainly pinching 1s and 2s. This clearly made a massive difference, as despite the long batting stint, the eventual first innings lead for St Annes was just 20. Game on.

So to the 2nd innings and once again the innings started badly for Totts with key players Jane and Shell back on the touchline relatively quickly. However, when it mattered, everyone stepped up. Vicky Turner had a blinding second innings, ending with two solo rounders which again would prove crucial in the final reckoning. Clearly tiredness was setting in all round, as I'd spotted that the opponents were sponsored by a blinds company, and managed to totally avoid making any ghastly jokes about it. Anyway, we'll draw a veil over that one. Thanks to the team effort, Totts had a competitive total to defend.

Coffee in hand I returned to watch the girls try and hold off the visitors push for victory. With Fluffy at backstop and the strong arms located in key positions, the fielding second time round was absolutely spot on. No panic, no flapping, just calm composure (and one superbly funny moment when Kate dropped a catch, then picked it up, tried to throw it and fell over). Catches were taken, girls were run out and we got increasingly more excited (and colder) as the game headed towards its conclusion.

Having captured the final dismissal, with a shade under 2 hours on the match clock, the ref emerged to reveal the final scores ... Totts 219 ... St Anne's 209. Resounding cheers filled the night air. What a result! What a comeback!

All mickey-taking aside, I was really proud of you all tonight. There's no player of the match tonight because every single one of you deserves it. Absolutely superb performance, back to winning ways, onwards and upwards. It was great to watch, the banter on the sidelines was fun, and to see the encouragement and team spirit on the pitch was terrific. Keep it up!

More issues have been swirling through my mind but they're too many and complex to fit into this week's report and so will have to be carried over for another 7 days. Would you ever go to an acupuncturist to treat pins and needles, for example? And is Danielle Kathleen "X" related to Malcolm X, the political activist? After her stunning performance against Mandy's Girls, maybe she's actually related to Professor Xavier of X-Men fame - in which case, who's Magneto? And, perhaps crucially, who's Wolverine? Grrr. Of course, anyone who uses a single letter in their nickname is asking for trouble. You wouldn't catch me doing that. Oh. Bugger. And finally, congrats to the Salad Queen, Allison Booth, for showing 5 grown men just how to transfer a whole pile of lettuce and cucumber into clingfilm without spilling a single leaf. Seriously, that was good.

Of course with the prospect of more sun and another long weekend approaching, I think it's safe to say that the Dr P 5 point plan for success will once again safely be ignored. Particularly by the group shown below. Do have a happy and fun weekend, girls!