2010: That was the year that was ...

Editor's Note: The most monumental year in the history of Tottington St Johns Ladies Rounders? Well, obviously, it was the first ...

As revolutions go, this one started quietly. In March, Michael Wood Homes officially became Tottington St Johns Ladies Rounders. With new kits and a new home, 2010 was shaping up to be a step forward for the team. But who could possibly have predicted just what was round the corner? By the time the season closed in August, not only had the girls finished 3rd in their first year in Division 5, a whole raft of friendships had been made, career highlights established, and the spirit on and off the pitch had scaled heights only dreamed of months previously. Oh and then there were the match reports ...

If proof were needed that life in Division 5 would be hard, the wake up call came very very fast indeed. A complete hammering at the hands of Westbury started the season, with the girls managing a spectacularly awful TWO INNINGS score of 18. Seriously, that was bad. However, 7 words appeared which changed the club ethos for ever ... Michelle's match report. "Oh dear!!! it can only get better". Yes, after 5 days of painstaking effort, that was the sum total of the skipper's thoughts on proceedings. Short and to the point, yes - inspiring, no. And so I took on the role of match reporter, while Shell got back to what she does best. That's right, drinking herself daft on Blue WKD.

The return to Crompton Meadows kick-started the campaign in earnest, with back to back wins against Seedfield and Boots. The first game saw Michelle truly back at her best with a cracking score of 49 - however as we pointed out at the time, when you play your home games at a cricket club, that's simply not good enough to register - it's 50 or nowt! The Boots report also debuted poetry, with Trish (of whom much more later) the recipient of a number of verses such as these:

You struck the ball with power so fierce
Controlled by inner rage
We watched in awe as your score increased
To almost match your age

You scorched the earth as you ran
And struck each base in turn
Showing the kids half your years
They've still so much to learn

Next up was a trip to Dandler, one of only 2 games your reporter missed all season. Fortunately, this was a good one to avoid, as the girls went down in horrid fashion, and Shell kicked off at the officials. We did however learn a vital lesson though: "If you have concerns about boys 'trying to touch your junk', there's a simple solution. Get it on eBay and Jane'll buy it."

And so to the first round of the Cup, and the start of the cartoons and the serious report-writing. This was also the first time I fully "felt the force" as the girls racked up a remarkable first innings score of 267 against Mandy's Girls in an innings spanning an hour or more. This was also the first time we saw Danielle do her quite ridiculous rounder-despite-hitting-the-ball-six-feet routine, which was to become a familiar sight in 2010. As I said in the Mandy's Girls match report: "Not only did she display great cunning by several times launching the ball towards - and through - the picnicking Byron and co., she also managed to steal several rounders by a mixture of quick feet, brazen cheek and sheer nerve to run right past fielders with the ball - I think there may even have been one time she went round twice for a bit of a giggle. Anyway, outstanding stuff."

As if that wasn't enough, this game saw the introduction of a new dance craze as Tottington, well one girl in particular, invented a whole new way of catching the ball ...

Full details and instructions here: Let's All Do the Luxton

From heroes back to zeroes the week after, with a quite dreadful display against eventual league champs Elton Vale C, mainly thanks to a ghastly first innings display. At that point, there was only one thing for it ... Boot Camp and Dr P's Five Point Plan - whilst this was ingeniously thought out, and guaranteed to lead to success, this went down like a lead balloon. Whilst the tendency to make excuses for poor performances did disappear, the chances of our motley crew abstaning from booze, fags, men, and junk food were frankly negligible. Tut tut.

One of the season's best performances then followed, with a great comeback against St Anne's. This game was notorious not only for a missing referee, but for some astonishing off-pitch banter, Vicky T's solo show, and "congrats to the Salad Queen, Allison Booth, for showing 5 grown men just how to transfer a whole pile of lettuce and cucumber into clingfilm without spilling a single leaf. Seriously, that was good." Oh yes, and we even got to learn about Trish's bizarre logic that orange fanta constitutes one of your 5 a day ...

June arrived, and brought with it quite possibly my favourite set of games and reports. First up was a trip to Elton Vale D which featured both Luxton ladies and Lord Byron in outstanding form on the sidelines, and a first Mars Bar award for Alli. And of course my favourite match report moment so far, the introduction of Michelle's Mannequins ...

Cartoon frenzy was at its height, and the next victim was none other than your reporter's "fave", Fluffy. Poor Kate has had to put up with a right load of abuse this season, and in honour of her previous week's trip across the Channel with a load of schoolkids, the entire St Mary's report took on a French flavour. Not only did we produce "Postcards from Fluffy", the website was translated into French in her honour! This seemed to pay dividends though, as the girls ran out comfortable winners by some 40 points. This game also saw Jane launch the ball into orbit, while - still on a Fluffy theme - Caldywell produced her infamous "Matrix moment" as a ball was launched directly at her head ...

After another victory against Bury Felt, the season then took a downswing, as a horrible defeat in the cup against an inspired Radcliffe Borough was followed by the throwing away of a game against leaders Westbury. In the interim, Crompton Meadows had hosted a spectacular Sunday gala, with some stupendous drunken antics, and the highly-anticipated clash between my own side and Michelle's outfit, which all turned on a freak catch courtesy of a tree ... and lashings of Blue WKD.

June also saw the launch of our new TSJ Ladies merchandise, which featured an Alex Walton boxset, Luxton "Nice" biscuits, and of course the infamous "Fluffy Dice".

One of the most ridiculous cartoons appeared around this time, inspired by the magnificent Lord Byron. Our number 1 celebrity fan is of course infamous for his rants, his fashion sense and his quite remarkable sarcasm. However, what is perhaps less known is that his competitive spirit knows no bounds. So when his quiz team was beaten by a single point in a hard-fought encounter - and, more importantly, was cost victory by Michelle's failure to write down Isambard Kingdom Brunel's middle name, an entire 2500 pixels worth of mickey-taking was spawned, a tiny snippet of which appears below.

As summer reached its height, we reversed fixtures. Seedfield were beaten once again, this time by an innings, in a match where Ms Booth attained the new nickname of "Allisoni". After her previous outings as "The Salad Queen", "The Human Target" and "Tips Girl", this name finally stuck ... and guaranteed Alli the crown of "most different nicknames for one Totty player in 2010", despite stiff competition from Fluffy and Old Mother Doodson. We also launched our Ten Good Balls feature, which despite initial efforts from Allisoni and Jemski has not yet fully taken off!

July started with a disastrous defeat against Boots Ladies; at this point the two teams were tied in 3rd place, and so defeat for either was unthinkable. Unfortunately we came off worst, in a fixture which saw me injure Alli's phlange pre-game (thus providing several weeks' worth guilt and extremely rude flange jokes), and the best rant of all time from Byron, who received yet another match report cartoon in his honour.

However, far from spoiling the season, this defeat set the girls on a final sprint to the line of 5 wins in 6 games, which would eventually secure that 3rd spot behind Westbury and Elton Vale C. The run kicked off with a victory against Dandler, just after "Eclipse" had been released at the box office. Pre-match saw the mother-daughter pole bashing action reach new heights, while a mid-game monsoon threatened to drown us all, even Byron who had camped in for the night. We retreated to the pavilion to warm up, and the report told the story of iconic 60s group Doodettes, who eventually became the Boomtown Bratz (a story completely fabricated around the skipper's use of the word "Boomtown", as in somewhere to send beaten opponents).

With your reporter, coach, motivator, bat repairer and general dogsbody away in Cambridge, the girls succumbed to Elton Vale C, who were by now on an unstoppable march to the title. Things got back on track immediately though, with St Anne's beaten on a quite glorious hot July evening. This game was notable firstly for the massive support on the sidelines, the girls swooning over Sara's fella, some quite stupendous on-field action, and the longest match report of the season. Dr P's Dictionary of Rounders was unleashed on an unsuspecting world, and I reproduce it here for your pleasure - just click a word or phrase to reveal its definition.

A terrific Wotsits-inspired performance against Elton Vale D followed; this happened in the same week as Michelle turned 30 (!), Katie had a birthday and and Alli became an Auntie - quite a remarkable chain of events. This game also saw Andy's selfless trek to the chippy, Suzanne getting beaned by one of her own team and Vicky's catch (see report as to why this was noteworthy).

The home campaign ended with a magic performance against St Mary's roared on by a partisan crowd - well, we would have been had Byron and Luxton not been scoffing flapjacks from a presentation bag. Having scored a stonking 164, Trish then put in yet another fine performance at backstop, running many players out with direct hits to earn herself a new nickname - "The Terminator". We celebrated in raucous fashion, and the match report turned into a right Carry On.

With August finally heating up, we all enjoyed an absolutely fantastic day at the Elton Vale gala, which involved far too much alcohol consumption before midday, and some blinding moments where we all bonded as a unit, enjoyed each other's company, drank some corking Pimms, played some fun mixed matches, broke a clipboard, and watched various folk get completely covered in trash ... this led to the final game of the season against Bury Felt. In a highly-charged atmosphere, the girls put in a professional performance to end the year with 4 straight wins, and then it was back to the club for a long, late celebration of what's been a quite marvellous season.

Hopefully this review has given you a flavour of the good times we've enjoyed on and off the field in 2010. The club has progressed in leaps and bounds, we've made many, many new friendships, and shared a shedload of drinks, laughs and good times. Oh and finished 3rd in the league! And our tribute video has become THE most watched Bury and District rounders-related video in YouTube history!

Here's to 2011, and more of the same ...